Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
