Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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