1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
God, I missed his penis.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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