Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
