She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
