so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
