Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
