Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Randomize
