Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
i now understand why vodka
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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