a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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