1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
