I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
