we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
