On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
