just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
