I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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