I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
