my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
