i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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