It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
