Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize
