I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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