I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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