Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
