where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
