You work out of a Hotel?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
