He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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