I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
