he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
