Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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