im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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