Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
