The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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