is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
