just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
