I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
