I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
