i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
