just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
