You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
