You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
