I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
