I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
