Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
