Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
