Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I looked at my own cervix.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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