"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
