woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
