There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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