i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
