everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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