9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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